I feel there’s an issue right now
You see a lot of coaches and the self-help industry will tell you that failure doesn’t exist.
Its one of those things people go on about a lot, but most without really quantifying it or really understanding what it really means or the effect it has on people.
Because here’s the thing, it does, doesn’t it?
Failure does exist.
You know that, I know that.
You can fail to hand a report in on time, you can fail to get the job or the contract you wanted.
Hell, you can fail to hit the bin with that piece of balled up paper you lobbed at it (unless no one else is watching – you ALWAYS get it in when no ones watching)
Its just one of those personal development cliches that I’m getting pretty sick of seeing and I’m not going to insult your intelligence to say otherwise.
These stick-on, ready-made self-help cliches can be damaging too.
When we hear stuff like this, time and again, because of a cognitive dissonance we feel anxious – we know we can fail, so to be told we can’t makes us feel stressed, like we’re to blame because we don’t think like the ‘experts’.
The problem is no 2 people are the same, which is a wonderful thing of course, but it means that you can’t just follow someone else’s ideas about life from a self-help book and expect it to work for you.
As one of my mentors, Jamie Smart writes:
‘When people buy “how to” books and programmes, they´re unknowingly trying to glue someone else´s apples onto their tree, without realizing an essential fact: it doesn’t work that way!”
So what’s the answer?
Well here’s a distinction I’ve been playing with; failure is only failure IF there’s a deadline.
If there is NO deadline to what you want to do, then all you have is feedback, what you have is just a new discovery of how NOT to do it.
By reframing it this way I feel it gives us more motivation and courage to go for what we want.
We can fail, sure, but ONLY when we STOP.
So while there is no quick fix, working with someone who can expertly guide you to the realization of how to create YOUR success YOUR way is the best way to get the life you want.
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