BUILDING SNOWMEN

BUILDING SNOWMEN

HOW TO'S

CONSCIOUSNESS & BUILDING SNOWMEN

 

I wanted to share my week with you as if you’re having a similar one it might help.

Because I’ll be honest this week hasn’t been great for me; I’ve felt pretty down, stressed, anxious, unhappy, confused and frustrated, not in that order and not all the time, but some of the time and sometimes all at once.

Now it’s very easy when you get in this low level of consciousness (call it mood, mindset or whatever feels best for you) to start looking outside of yourself for reasons why you feel that way.

And to be honest that’s exactly what I’ve been doing, depending on the hour these feelings looked like they were being caused by the weather, my lack of motivation, all the workload I’ve taken on, a tricky re-edit section of my book, a prospective client who seemed like a hell yes, but disappeared after I sent him the invoice – or my bank balance, or the looming Christmas expense, or 1000 other things.

But the thing is, it wasn’t any of those things that made me feel this way. Sure I was tricked into believing they were the cause – but really, if ALL those things were the cause, why did they only look like they were some of the time? And when you really sit and think of it, how can the weather make me feel anything?

If it had those powers the country would grind to a halt on a rainy day. Manchester especially would crumble to dust…

 

So what was the variable? Well, as always the missing link was my thinking, it wasn’t what I was looking at that made me feel anything, it was the thought glasses I’ve been looking through all week.

 

And the thing is we can never ever control our thinking, despite what some might have you believe. And our feelings are always the flipside of our thoughts. And to try and work out the cause of the feelings by looking outside of us means we just get more and more caught up in our stressful thinking and make ourselves feel worse.

But here’s the thing, whilst I always know this on an intellectual level, I still often get tricked into thinking its things outside of me causing me pain. And when I get tricked this way I go into victim mode, I go into blame mode. My consciousness lowers and I find it even harder  to get out of the spiral of crappy thinking.

I knew this too, but I was still tricked by it, like we all are. It all looked really real to me.

But all that was happening was I was getting really caught up in my personal thinking, looking for blame and creating things out of nothing and making them look really real to me.

So from feeling glum I went outside of myself to look for answers, and this had me start to build a snowman of thought. And the more I built the bigger and more real he looked.

I kept piling on more and more thoughts, forming the nose, the coal for eyes, until my idea of what was real for me took form. I could see it – THIS was the cause of my mood, this thing I had given form to in my mind, this snowman, who just needed a top hat of self-doubt and a scarf of insecurity to finish him off.

But when you catch yourself in this situation and start to see that this is just a snowman of form that you have created yourself, it means you are more able to step away, to allow it to thaw away…

And like a snowman it might take a few days for the ideas to fully thaw away, they might slowly slump down, the scarf falling away, the carrot wilting, getting smaller and smaller….but it will thaw, it will clear again. If you let it.

Because what we normally do is keep packing more and more snow onto the snowman, to keep him alive and sturdy in our minds. Something big and real we can look at. And this just perpetuates this thought form, sometimes forever. But you built it. It isn’t real. It just looks real.

You can be even luckier and not have to wait long at all for your snowman to thaw. This happened yesterday for me.  Sit with someone you love, allow yourself to laugh despite the frustration, allow yourself to get really present and in the moment, open yourself up to life, stop being so clenched up around your ideas of yourself.

 

When you do this your consciousness (mood, energy, mindset) can’t help but raise. When you do this your mind can’t help but clear a little. When you do this those thoughts start to thaw like the snowman.

 

And when you allow your mind to clear you allow NEW thinking to appear. New thinking that comes from your inspiration, and creativeness and wisdom. Thinking that might take you off on a whole new adventure.

Because here’s the thing, it’s OK to build Snowmen. It’s fun even. But when we start to believe Snowmen are real, or that they mean anything about us or our lives that’s when we get stuck, get into trouble and stay unhappy.

And apologies if I’ve confused the metaphors a bit here but I hope you get the gist of what I’m saying. The meaning isn’t in the words really, it’s in the insights that I hope this might stir in you.

Much love

Matt

Stressful thoughts are none of your business.

Stressful thoughts are none of your business.

HOW TO'S

Stressful thoughts are none of your business.

 

I just got back from the gym, and it’s the first time I’ve been in over a week. I normally go 3 times a week so it got me thinking about what that means.

Then I stopped. And I chuckled to myself.

Because the thing is, for whatever reason I’ve been in a bit of slump this week.

And in the past I would have made this slump, this low mood about me, I’d have gone all up in my head and blamed myself, labelled myself as lazy, as a procrastinator. As someone who doesn’t stick to things.

And do you know what happened when I did that? I’d feel even more crappy, and it would make me not want to go even more.

But thankfully, since I discovered the 3 principles and really started to understand the truth behind how the human experience works I don’t bother with all that pointless personal thinking.

Sure there’s no way around it, I have been in a low mood this week, but whereas in the past I’d be now blaming myself and telling myself all sorts of stories about why I’m in this mood; it’s me, my lack of motivation, or it’s my business, my wife, the fact that its cold out….

 

But all that would do would get me more stuck, more unhappy, less present and less likely to do it.

 

But flick forward to now and I know my moods are just like waves. They’re energy that ebb and flow inside me. They don’t mean anything about anything.

And the only way to reset, to get back to feeling better again is to simply – let your system settle. And to not mess with it while it does.

Because here’s the thing; all have a psychological immune system that will reset if we let it.

But just like if you cut your finger and then rub it every ten minutes, it won’t heal – when you mess with it, by piling loads of stressful thinking and looking for reasons ‘why’ – it isn’t allowed to reset. It stays busy, creating loads more thoughts that take you further and further away from your centre.

I know it looks like its counterproductive, and as humans we want answers, we want to work out why we feel bad/unproductive etc. – but really that’s just like trying to grab at clouds.

Think of your moods like a muddy puddle, because actually that’s how our minds can feel when we’re stressed, anxious, questioning ourselves – but this muddy puddle always has the capacity to be clear, to be settled, to be calm. But the only way it does so is by being left, by being allowed to clear.

So if currently you’re feeling like a muddy puddle, today be kind to yourself, stay present, try and remember that the answers will come, that you will return to feeling better, if you allow the system to reset.

Take a deep breath, smile, be in your body. And wait.

A good feeling is only one new thought away.

 

 

What are the 3 Principles?

What are the 3 Principles?

HOW TO'S

What are the 3 Principles?

 

Up until recently I’ve not really talked about the 3Ps in relation to my coaching. Despite this understanding informing all the work I now do with clients it hasn't been anything I was that overt about.

Perhaps this was because I was relatively new to this way of showing up as a coach, perhaps I never really thought it was important.

But the more deeply I understand these principles, the more I want to share them fully, the more I want to help other people see their amazing potential for success, freedom and peace of mind. In starting to speak about them more I hope to help people who are unaware of this understanding see just how life-changing it can be.

Because I don’t throw those words around lightly. I know we see that sort of rhetoric all the time, especially with coaches and self-help stuff, but really, there is no rhetoric or hyperbole here (weeell, maybe a teeny bit - but that's just my writing style!)

You see, since I became involved in the 3 principles and have deepened and deepened my understanding of them, my life has 100% changed for the better. No hyperbole.

I am calmer, less stressed, happier. My coaching business has really taken off. I've finished the novel I've been wanting to write.

More so though - I'm full of joy, I find myself chuckling to myself often, walking around with a silly grin on my face. Its made me a much more giving and - hell, I'm going to say it - nicer person.

I know how powerful this work is - so I don’t have to hide behind anything, or try and impress anyone.

I know how impactful my work is with clients now that I don't need to push. Its made me feel more connected, more carefree, less needy, less concerned with what people think of me and so much more creative, and open to new ways of seeing things.

what are the 3 principles

 

These 3 principles really are a revolutionary new paradigm in psychology, with far reaching benefits not only for success and well-being on a personal level, but in leadership, business, and even for the future of humanity.

In short the 3Ps are laws that explain how we experience life, the foundation elements of the human experience :

Mind

Consciousness

Thought

Of course these words are just metaphors for something beyond explanation in some ways, and could just as easily be; Intelligence, Awareness and Creativity. (Don’t get hung up on the words, they aren’t that important.)

Because while those words mean different things to different people, the principles they point to have actually been observed, written about and studied in science, philosophy, and religion throughout the ages.

The 3ps describe the fundamental dynamics operating in everyone’s minds at all times, and are what many believe now to be fundamental principles of psychology. A principle being a fundamental source or basis for something – in other words they're not theories. They aren't a "technique" that can be taught but instead a paradigm that comes to be understood at increasingly deeper levels.

Nor are the Principles a method, a model or a practice. They are not like other coaching or therapy approaches such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), which help people reframe their thinking in order to feel better. They are an understanding that helps people access their own innate health by understanding how the fundamental mechanics of the human experience works. As people generalise this knowledge to the rest of their lives they start experiencing more ease, joy and fulfilment.

what are the 3 principles

 

So we know what they aren't - what are the 3 principles?

At the heart they deal with one simple truth; that 100% of your experience of life is created from inside you.

Despite it not always seeming this way, the only way the human experience can unfold is from the inside-out. No exceptions. The system only works one way.

And the clarity of our seeing that underpins the way we handle absolutely every situation in our lives.

The 3 principles were first discovered and described by a man called Sydney Banks, a Scottish man with a basic education. A welder by trade. At the time, no one remarkable.

But what Syd saw one day literally changed everything for him and as he deepened his exploration of this new paradigm he began to share his world-changing discovery with others.

 

Here’s how he introduced them in his book The Missing Link:

The Universal Mind, or the impersonal mind, is constant and unchangeable. The personal mind is in a perpetual state of change. All humans have the inner ability to synchronize their personal mind with their impersonal mind to bring harmony into their lives.

Consciousness is the gift of awareness. Consciousness allows the recognition of form, form being the expression of Thought… Mental health lies within the consciousness of all human beings, but it is shrouded and held prisoner by our own erroneous thoughts. This is why we must look past our contaminated thoughts to find the purity and wisdom that lies inside our own consciousness.

Thought is the creative agent we use to direct us through life. Thought is the master key that opens the world of reality to all living creatures. Thought is not reality; yet it is through Thought that our realities are created.

 

This new discovery contradicted many traditional notions and practices of psychotherapy. Specifically, that for mental wellbeing, it is not important to process the past, nor that the content of peoples' personal thought systems had to be worked with, controlled and analysed.

These 3 Principles work in unison and explain every experience, from joy to despair. Knowing this enables one to make wiser choices and to live a life of peace and contentment. Understanding how the principles work allows people to walk away from a troubled past and to rise above adverse circumstances.

Alongside Syd Banks’s descriptions we can also describe them as such:

The Principle of Mind:
This describes the intelligence and energy behind life. This is the energy behind everything. It has no apparent morality but informs the whole of life. Its the source of intelligence. It’s the energy that allows seeds to become flowers, wounds to heal, life to grow.

The Principle of Consciousness:
AS human beings we have an innate capacity to be aware of ourselves and of life. This is a universal singularity. Your level of awareness in any given moment determines the quality of your experience. The more we raise our consciousness the higher up the ladder of selves we climb.

The Principle of Thought:
Not to be confused with thinking, the principle of Thought is the creative energy we use to build our individual moment by moment experience of reality. Thought is the missing link between the formless world of pure potential and the created world of form.

 

These Principles govern us in the way that Gravity governs our experience of being on this planet. Gravity has no form, we cannot see or measure it, but we can observe the impact it has on us. When scientists didn’t know about Gravity they were missing a fundamental constant, and since they worked under the wrong premise their calculations were often wrong.

So what does this mean for us in the 21st century?

Well it means that the more we understand how the human experience works the less we have to take heed of the stressful personal thinking that gets us into trouble.

The greatest untapped resource for personal and professional growth is your state of mind. When we are clear-headed, free from stress and self-doubt we have easier access to our creative thinking; we are able to have a bigger impact and solutions come a lot easier.

Over four decades of this understanding in practice has demonstrated that people can create rewarding, healthy personal and professional lives. The simplicity and depth of the principles are having a dramatic effect on many fields of endeavour, including business, mental health, medicine, education, drug and alcohol treatment, the criminal justice system, and a wide range of youth programs...

The 3 Principles now inform my coaching in powerful ways.

And I know coming from this grounding gives me an edge over other coaches who might still be using additive techniques such as CBT or NLP which I see now only really paper over the cracks.

Coaching from a 3ps grounding instead is about taking away, its a subtractive method, removing all the BS you’ve been taught and made to believe your whole life. It subtracts all the interference and contamination and gets to who you really are.

Now that may sounds scary, especially if you believe who you really are is that person who’s felt stressed, anxious., stuck, uncertain and unproductive for a long time. But the great news is the more you see the reality of the principles the more you see that all that is just made up.

Because who you really are is perfect. Who you really are is wise, creative, inspiring, calm, playful and happy.

And the really good news is there's no techniques to master, no affirmations to go over, no need for endless journaling or hour of power crap, none of that stuff you hate which doesn't work anyway.

Since the principles are universal, all people have the same potential for success, freedom, mental well-being, peace of mind and personal growth; no matter what their circumstances.

Drawing out this wisdom and insight from individuals and groups to help them reach their amazing potential is now my life's work.

 

If you'd like to know more about the 3 principles and how being coached from this perspective can literally change your life then contact me to book in a conversation. I’d be happy to answer any questions you have too.

Letting those negative beliefs about yourself go…

Letting those negative beliefs about yourself go…

HOW TO'S

I couldn’t see it.

But the minute I did everything changed.

You see, your negative beliefs about yourself are not concrete – they ebb and flow…

Its why one day you can wake up feeling like you can take on the world and then next day you just want to stay in bed.

If it can change that rapidly its clearly not got anything to do with you, your abilities, or even the world.

Its just your mood, its just your thinking in that moment.

Yet we often take our thoughts about ourselves SO seriously it can cripple us. Stop us starting.

And if you’re currently defining yourself with absolutes (I’m a procrastinator, I can’t do X) then maybe today it’d be useful to spend some time considering where these beliefs come from.

What if you now saw them just as made up stories?

What if you realised it wasn’t saying anything about who you really are?

Because who you are exists before all the stories, and BS that you’ve made up about yourself.

Who you are is already everything you need. Who you are is resilient, light, resourceful, wise and full of well being.

And these beliefs, about you who are, what you can and can’t do. They can be let go of

So spend some time considering what beliefs are holding you back.

Then remind yourself they aren’t set in stone.

How to get out your own way

How to get out your own way

HOW TO'S

Get out your own way!

When I was acting this was a phrase I heard a lot.

And now as a coach and mindset expert I see this with the people I work with

They’re passionate with a bias for action AND they know that what gets between them and success is…themselves.

Or to put it another way, what stands between them and the life they want is the voices in their head.

The inner critic, the mind-chatter that has us second-guessing ourselves and ignoring our real source of inspiration and creativity.

So we get confused about priorities, experiencing self-doubt and overwhelm. We over-commit to things, or procrastinate before later acting out of urgency.

If any of these resonate then maybe its time to take a closer look.

This is a byproduct of insecure thinking. And it only continues to feel frustrating when you try to figure it all out.

Because what if getting away from the mind-chatter, and out of your own way was easier than you think?

What if success was not about lots of techniques and analysis but a simple subtractive process?

Because the real, resourceful you is always there when you begin to stop taking that inner critic so seriously.

 

I know it to be true that when you’re calmer and clear-headed, everything comes a lot easier.

From decision making, to relationships, to even managing your work load. It might seem paradoxical but you know this deep down.

So today practice slowing down, to speed up.

Choose to not pay too much attention to your insecure thinking and stay present.

It as easy and as hard as that…

Be well…

 


Want more, sign up for the newsletter in the box on the right

‘The One and Only Answer’ – The Power of Love.

‘The One and Only Answer’ – The Power of Love.

HOW TO'S

‘The One and Only Answer’ – The Power of Love.

power of love

 

Below is a letter that Albert Einstein wrote to his daughter about the universal force of love.

I love this because more and more I see this in ALL areas of human potential and development; from psychology, to quantum science, to biology, to theology to day to day living, people are coming down stronger and stronger in this understanding that the true power in the universe is LOVE.

So please take 5 minutes to read this powerful, moving letter that Albert wrote his young daughter, and see for yourself the wonder of this energy:

“When I proposed the theory of relativity, very few understood me, and what I will reveal now to transmit to mankind will also collide with the misunderstanding and prejudice in the world.

I ask you to guard the letters as long as necessary, years, decades, until society is advanced enough to accept what I will explain below.

There is an extremely powerful force that, so far, science has not found a formal explanation to. It is a force that includes and governs all others, and is even behind any phenomenon operating in the universe and has not yet been identified by us. This universal force is LOVE.

When scientists looked for a unified theory of the universe they forgot the most powerful unseen force. Love is Light, that enlightens those who give and receive it. Love is gravity, because it makes some people feel attracted to others. Love is power, because it multiplies the best we have, and allows humanity not to be extinguished in their blind selfishness. Love unfolds and reveals. For love we live and die. Love is God and God is Love.

This force explains everything and gives meaning to life. This is the variable that we have ignored for too long, maybe because we are afraid of love because it is the only energy in the universe that man has not learned to drive at will.

 To give visibility to love, I made a simple substitution in my most famous equation. If instead of E = mc2, we accept that the energy to heal the world can be obtained through love multiplied by the speed of light squared, we arrive at the conclusion that love is the most powerful force there is, because it has no limits.

After the failure of humanity in the use and control of the other forces of the universe that have turned against us, it is urgent that we nourish ourselves with another kind of energy…

If we want our species to survive, if we are to find meaning in life, if we want to save the world and every sentient being that inhabits it, love is the one and only answer.

Perhaps we are not yet ready to make a bomb of love, a device powerful enough to entirely destroy the hate, selfishness and greed that devastate the planet.

However, each individual carries within them a small but powerful generator of love whose energy is waiting to be released.

When we learn to give and receive this universal energy, dear Lieserl, we will have affirmed that love conquers all, is able to transcend everything and anything, because love is the quintessence of life.

I deeply regret not having been able to express what is in my heart, which has quietly beaten for you all my life. Maybe it’s too late to apologize, but as time is relative, I need to tell you that I love you and thanks to you I have reached the ultimate answer! “.

Your father,
Albert Einstein

Original source: http://www.trueactivist.com/read-a-letter-einstein-wrote-to-his-daughter-about-the-universal-force-of-love

How to get started when you don’t feel like it

How to get started when you don’t feel like it

HOW TO'S

I was laid up with a bad chest infection at the start of this month which meant I was out of action for a good couple of weeks. Now, I’m not ill very often and not one to bask in it so it really did knock me out for a time.

But you’ll be happy to know that, a few box sets and a course of strong antibiotics later, I’m back fighting fit.

And, this morning signalled my return to the gym.

Now before my little bout of uber-man-flu I was going around 4 to 5 times a week, and whilst I never *loved it I just got on with it. It was something I did, part of my routine. I’d managed to finally make it one of those tricksy habits we all try to get a grip on.

But a habit it was no longer. With the advent of a 2-week hiatus and a coughy chest I was now back to feeling pretty crappy about schlepping myself to the old weights room this morning.

Of course, I knew this was just me having crappy thoughts and my feelings couldn’t possibly be caused by the gym (in the past I didn’t mind it at all so I’m going to suggest the gym is pretty neutral!)

Yet, despite this understanding. I did not want to go. At all.

So you know what I did?

I went anyway.

And this has been one my most important things I’ve realised in the past few years. That I don’t need to feel motivated to do the thing I know I should do. Because with this insight its meant I remove myself from lots of cluttered thinking and stress.

You see there’s a trick of the mind we all fall for when we decide we want to create something new or change something in our lives.

The prescribed wisdom of how to get started when you don’t feel like it is that we need to feel incredibly productive and motivated.

We need to feel confident in our abilities and driven to do whatever is necessary to get there.

And this is why we no doubt just like me you’ve spent hours reading self-help books, singing up for online courses and even scrolling through Pinterest and Instagram reading ‘inspirational’ quotes laid out over pictures of sunsets or Maseratis.

We act as though if we surround ourselves with enough external inspiration that somehow something will switch in our mindset and we’ll be propelled us into action.

Yet I bet what you’ve also found when doing so is that actually you only end up feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and a little stressed with it all. Yes some of the things you’ll read will be motivating no doubt, you might get some good ideas from the courses and guides. But then what?

Because the thing is, all that is happening when we do all this ‘prep’ is that we get stuck in out heads trying to think our way to success. We’re trying to take on the mindset of someone else in some hope that by thinking how a successful person does we too can be successful.

But here’s the thing I know to be true.

Who you are, is already perfect.

You already have the wisdom, resources, resilience, courage, intelligence and capacity to be happy, successful and fulfilled.

And in fact, the thing that often keeps you from starting is a misunderstanding that you have to wait until you feel ready.

A client and I were discussing this yesterday and we came to the conclusion Nike were right all along.

Just Do it.

Thinking your way into feeling motivated will only get you so far.

You see, when you have a limiting thought; such as ‘I can’t start X because X’ you have two options.

Option A: you spend time and energy affirming ‘I can do this’. You read books and work on that PMA (*shudder). You go through the personal development clichés of uncovering evidence of times when you’ve exhibited the behaviour you want.

You know the drill.

But then there’s option B, a little simpler but no less sassy: you start doing the thing you want to do.

When you do this you can’t possibly have that thought anymore that you can’t do it. Because, well, you are doing it.

You can’t hold that thought any longer if you are in motion this way – its impossible.

Now I know there’s a gap here – that what usually what stops us is fear of the doing, of taking action.

But the thing is that fear will be there whether you take action internally (takes ages, doesn’t always work) or externally (takes 0 seconds, always works)

So feel that fear, smile at it, and do it anyway.

You don’t need more motivation or inspiration to create the life you want.

You need to simply stop trying to think your way there and connect with the power of who you really are.

Because when I arrived at they gym this morning I still felt pretty uninspired. But I got on with it. Did my sets, stayed focused. And got through it. Tomorrow will be easier, by next week it might almost feel fun again. But regardless I’ll be going.

Because motivation is optional. Isn’t it liberating and inspiring to realise that?

Stop waiting to feel ready.

Connect with your energy and inspiration and push on through.

Stop too trying to fit into a mould of someone who has completely different way of looking at the world and remember that you are always enough.  What got them there, won’t get you there. And vice versa.

And that’s the beauty of creating new things. Its uniquely about you. You will be infinitely more resourceful, resilient and inspired when you move past all the thinking and techniques and simply and authentically connect deeply to your innate wisdom.

This is your inner core, the real you, the powerful person that exists before all the stories and beliefs and crap the world piled on top of you about what you can and can’t do.

By pushing past all the limiting thoughts and motivational self-help gumff and just starting means you are suddenly free to play, try stuff out and create from a place of curiosity, inspiration and insight.

When you can trust that this is the real source of your inspiration and creation and that motivation is optional you’ll know instinctively what to do next and how to do it.

It takes a little trust, but it’s also the best game in town.

 

 

 

The Problem With Self-Help

The Problem With Self-Help

HOW TO'S

I feel there’s an issue right now

You see a lot of coaches and the self-help industry will tell you that failure doesn’t exist.

Its one of those things people go on about a lot, but most without really quantifying it or really understanding what it really means or the effect it has on people.

Because here’s the thing, it does, doesn’t it?

Failure does exist.

You know that, I know that.

You can fail to hand a report in on time, you can fail to get the job or the contract you wanted.

Hell, you can fail to hit the bin with that piece of balled up paper you lobbed at it (unless no one else is watching – you ALWAYS get it in when no ones watching)

Its just one of those personal development cliches that I’m getting pretty sick of seeing and I’m not going to insult your intelligence to say otherwise.

These stick-on, ready-made self-help cliches can be damaging too.

When we hear stuff like this, time and again, because of a cognitive dissonance we feel anxious – we know we can fail, so to be told we can’t makes us feel stressed, like we’re to blame because we don’t think like the ‘experts’.

The problem is no 2 people are the same, which is a wonderful thing of course, but it means that you can’t just follow someone else’s ideas about life from a self-help book and expect it to work for you.

As one of my mentors, Jamie Smart writes:

‘When people buy “how to” books and programmes, they´re unknowingly trying to glue someone else´s apples onto their tree, without realizing an essential fact: it doesn’t work that way!”

So what’s the answer?

Well here’s a distinction I’ve been playing with; failure is only failure IF there’s a deadline.

If there is NO deadline to what you want to do, then all you have is feedback, what you have is just a new discovery of how NOT to do it.

By reframing it this way I feel it gives us more motivation and courage to go for what we want.

We can fail, sure, but ONLY when we STOP.

So while there is no quick fix, working with someone who can expertly guide you to the realization of how to create YOUR success YOUR way is the best way to get the life you want.

If this resonates. Let’s talk..

If you’d like to book in for a Free Clarity Session click here to book in a conversation. It might just be the best decision you make this year.

Life Gets Better When We Learn How To Be Vulnerable

Life Gets Better When We Learn How To Be Vulnerable

HOW TO'S

The stresses of modern life and fear of failure can threaten to keep us closed off from our fellow humans at times. Global terrorism, economic collapse and our own personal struggles all do their best to keep us down, to keep us disconnected and unsure of ourselves.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

We are all fallible. No matter who you are there’ll be times when you will make mistakes. You will mess up. The true test however, is how we deal with those mistakes. Because when you take full responsibility and own them, people don’t care, but mores so they see it’s OK to let their guards down too.

Taking full responsibility means we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and open which is very charming and authentic to people. We alone have total power over how we interpret our experiences. If amazing stuff is happening, it’s because of you. If bad stuff is happening, it’s because of you

PRACTICE HOW TO BE VULNERABLE POWERFULLY

Allow yourself to be vulnerable and take responsibility for every emotion and you cannot help but be an authentic and shining light in the world. Vulnerable does not mean weak.

People who exhibit confidence and charm, who have taken the time to develop themselves and know who they are the only ones with the courage to expose their vulnerabilities and know how to be vulnerable powerfully.

People can pick up on this too. When we let others glimpse our vulnerable side they feel closer to us, and we gift them the permission to open up also.

If you feel it, express it. If you know 100% what you’re doing is right for you, then that’s all that matters. Be you. This is becoming a bit of a mantra and that’s good. Take heed of it. Be unapologetically you, and if you say something that people don’t like or disagree with, so be it.

As long as you aren’t actively or purposefully trying to insult or hurt anyone then that’s on them not you. Being authentic and vulnerable is never about ‘people pleasing’ and what we find is that people will always respect us more for that anyway. They may not always like what we say but they’ll like us more than someone who tries to appease everyone for their own gains.

DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP

In this cut-throat world we have to be always wary of outside pressures to conform, to bend to the way society wants us to be. We do this by staying true to our values and beliefs at all times.

To have the highest standards for ourselves means we demand the same from others and can then create an environment of mutual assistance. It’s important for us then not to be afraid to ask for help if we need it; to learn to be comfortable being vulnerable and taking responsibility for every aspect of our development.

Nobody gets successful without a little help and a big issue faced by high-achievers is that they work and play so much harder than most people that they feel they have no one to ask for help.

This is why a lot of the work I do is based around helping clients break free from the hard lines they’ve placed around themselves and removing blind spots that they weren’t even aware of before we dug deep into what was holding them back.

ACCEPT WHAT IS

When we are comfortable with ourselves and open to support it doesn’t matter if we mess up. By owning our mistakes we can learn to move beyond any feelings of shame. When we own our mistakes people don’t care and they realize it’s OK for them to be the same.

To become truly charming we have to understand that to be vulnerable is to accept all aspects of ourselves and deny nothing. When we keep negative emotions balled up inside of us and try and ignore them we actually keep the bad energy sustained inside of us. We might not think it’s there because we’ve pushed it so far down but it is, and it becomes like a gremlin eating away at us over time.

It’s been proven that when we numb pain we don’t just numb the bad feeling, we numb every feeling we have. It’s all connected. So, by numbing the bad energy we’re also taking away all the other amazing emotions and becoming the type of person who is fearful of life, who doesn’t value or invest in themselves and who doesn’t take decisive action on their goals.

So from now on if anything is getting you down just focus on it for a few minutes.

Say to yourself: Yes I am feeling this way. It’s really not nice but I need to deal with it. Now.

We can trace back most negative emotions to the simple issue of not accepting ‘what is’. When we tell ourselves we can’t change something and accept the consequences we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. In that moment everything changes and we can begin to move forward. When we resist nothing it ebbs away quicker than we can ever imagine.

So choose to be open, to be vulnerable; to show the world your true authentic self. These are the traits of charming people and these are traits that people find most attractive.

Trying to behave like someone else is just going to leave you feeling like you’re playing a part that wasn’t meant for you so be sure to know your truth, speak your truth and live your truth. Always.

 

Being Someone Who Gives Off Good Energy

HOW TO'S

We all know those types; outgoing, loud, maybe even a bit obnoxious, especially after a few drinks. It’s easy too I think to fall into the trap of believing these loudmouths are high-status individuals. Confident. Successful even. Sure too, the flashy suits and outward shows of wealth that usually go hand in hand with this persona helps this hypothesis along.

Yet, what is actually true of course is that these attention seeking types are by and large much more inward looking and lower status than their outward show of bravado might suggest.

The more we learn about the roots of self-esteem the more we realise that in essence these people are actually sub-communicating their lack of self-awareness to the world.`

Give Good Energy

There is nothing more boring than the person who hogs the conversation, who only ever talks about themselves. Whereas the really confident ones, the people who are self-aware, who are happy and comfortable with themselves, they don’t need to exhibit it outwardly. Paradoxically of course, the fact that they don’t need to, actually communicates to the world how charming and together they are.

To help train ourselves to be more comfortable and energy-giving in social situations we need to slow down a little and relax, to focus our attention outwards, on others. Confident people know that the best way to get noticed is actually to allow other people the spotlight. Focusing on others not only demonstrates our interest in them but more importantly it lets them know we aren’t threatened by positive qualities in others

To become better, cheer on others success

Happy, successful people celebrate the success in others, they congratulate their peers and actively celebrate their achievements. It may sound counterproductive at first but to become someone who is the source of good energy wherever they go we need to practice creating important moments with people.

We do this by focusing out.

We are attracted to people who make us feel good about ourselves and it’s no surprise that most people’s favourite subject is themselves. We can’t help it as humans. Our egos are powerful things.

But if we know this and begin to use to our advantage, by allowing others to shine, we not only get the opportunity to serve people powerfully and let them feel great about themselves, but we are recognized as the source of these emotions. Another win/win.

When we genuinely display our pleasure in being with someone it can’t help but make us feel good as well as them. When we compliment people wholeheartedly we create moments with them, these moments grow quickly into powerful connections. These connections create real relationships.

What’s more when we show up this way, as a giver of good energy, it positions us as someone with a great outlook on life, who loves life and is more than happy to share themselves with the world.

Successful people have spent time honing their default setting to one of positivity and self-love first and foremost. When we love ourselves fully we are then free to share ourselves wholeheartedly and honestly with others.

Create your Hero Story

A really great technique we can use to help with this is to establish ourselves fully as the hero in our story. We must learn to see ourselves as someone who is heroic, who does good things that only ever benefits them.

Heroes eat well, they go to the gym; they tell themselves often how great they are and they don’t do this because they’re supposed to, because they feel they should, they do it because that’s what hero’s do.

If we speak to ourselves in terms of having to, I have to go the gym, I have to eat well it begins to drag, it feels like a chore, like someone is forcing us to do these things. Whereas if we subtly change the way we speak to ourselves we can choose to do these things instead.

In doing so it starts to create a new outlook. Now it’s; I want to work out, I want to eat well. I want to become the most charming person I can be. I don’t have to. I want to.

Change your self talk

By changing our self-talk we immediately switch our mindset from feeling like we’re being forced to do something to one where we are total control of our world. And in this new mindset we are free to create moments with others, to be giving and charming.

When we strive to make others feel significant rather than trying to dominate our own we give them something that is very valuable; validation.

This way we can quickly stand out from almost everyone else around and become someone who is always remembered as being very charming. Someone others want to be around.

When we give out so much great energy, by the laws of reciprocity people then want to do things for us. The more we practice giving out good energy to others the more our state changes, the more it becomes who we are. When we never take and always give, in terms of our hearts and soul, we get it back tenfold.

So practice being open and generous with others. Focus outwards and show people the real you. Be you. This way we can stand out as the source of good energy and a focus that is always out. Always honed in on making others feel good. Again this may feel a little uncomfortable at first but as before see this as good thing.

It means we’re out of our comfort zone; where the magic happens. Give others the gift of your energy and openness and they’ll love you for it


Want more?

Sign up now for a FREE Get Unstuck, Get Confident Strategy Session with Matt – where he will help you understand your specific situation and what will help you most. To book in click here>>>